All of us need a little break from the intense world of sales.

Explore this area to relax and have a little fun. Here you’ll find jokes, one-liners and You Tube content to make you laugh and give you ideas for humor to share during meetings and presentations. Enjoy!

EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, AND NOBODY

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody wouldn’t do it. Consequently, it wound up that nobody told anybody, so everybody blamed somebody.

THE CORPORATE BOAT RACE

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.

The Japanese team won by a mile.

Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of “Executives” was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.

Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.

After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that “too many people were steering and not enough rowing.” To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to “4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager” and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. “We must give him empowerment and enrichment.” That ought to do it.

The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.

The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.

THE RESULT OF HARD WORK!

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.

“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

One Liners

  • A disagreeable task is its own reward.
  • A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.
  • A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
  • A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
  • A fool and his money are soon elected.
  • A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
  • A free agent is anything but.
  • A friend in need is a pest indeed.
  • A geophysicist is not drunk as long as he can hang onto a single blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.